Jason, my love… It has to have been just last month that I wrote a blog on this night one year ago for our TEN year. How does time escape me? How does it feel like we are so much wiser, yet not one day older than we were when we met as kids? Thank you for being my rock (when we almost lost our business and when the waters just kept on rising), my funny bone (when I need to laugh more than I need anything else in life), my sanity (when I’m missing my own), my other half (when I need one more of me and you are so much better), my son’s perfect father (everyday), my love (since my heart just keeps growing and you are the perfect fit every time), my everything (because you just are). Eleven is going to be a good year. Two ones. One for each of us. Yea…it’s already by favorite. ♥
I wonder if you’ll ever get the chance to be as lucky as me. Truly, truly blessed and abundantly full.
Having a child was on my to-do list growing up, but it wasn’t a top priority. And I always said I would have been fine never having children. You don’t need a child to find happiness or fulfillment in life…and I could see the benefits of being childless. But one Sunday in church, I felt like I was being told from within, from someone greater than myself, to try and have a child. I felt of strong urging as if someone said, “It’s time.” And so I did.
When we first found out, your Daddy and I just stared at each other. With halfway cracked smiles on our faces, we were afraid to lock eyes. And just as we did, we quickly looked down as if the realization of our lives changing forever was just too much to take in.
I hadn’t planned on getting pregnant the first time we tried.
And I hadn’t planned on being crushed at the Dr’s office when they told me they weren’t even sure you were there yet. That I had to wait another week and do more blood-work and a higher level ultrasound to be sure.
With every part of my being I knew you were there. But the Dr’s kept telling me something wasn’t right. And there were a more than a few nights I spent in tears over thinking that maybe, you were already gone…even though I still thought I felt you.
After a few weeks of tests, we were told I had an anomaly. A kind of misshapen home for you and I’d be treated as high risk until I could start showing signs of a more normal pregnancy. Again I cried. And I worried. A lot.
But one morning I woke up and decided it wasn’t doing either of us any good. And after hearing the advice of a good friend, I decided that I’d take every single day I did get with you and cherish it. And I would eat well and nourish my body so you had the best chance possible. And the reality was that my pregnancy was incredibly easy. Aside from gaining a lot more weight than I’d planned, it was easy. And I was happy.
After 40 weeks and fooling every Dr I’d seen about your early, impending arrival, I wondered if you’d ever come out. And for a bit you had me worried that something had actually gone way wrong even though you’d been beating the odds all along.
But four days later, on the prettiest day I’ve ever seen in October, you entered this world at lightening speed. Or so I’m told from lots of first-time mommies. I had never in my life felt elation and happiness as I did to finally see you. I won’t lie…I didn’t really have a connection with you that made sense when I was pregnant. I couldn’t comprehend what it would be like to see you, hold you, kiss you…know you. But the moment you were here it all made sense. Everything around me was in its place and I saw the world in a way I never had before. The colors were brighter. The flowers outside more poignant. People’s smiles, more genuine.
And I realized, right then, that I’d never again be so fortunate as to have lived and loved this life with Daddy…and then have you.
My cup runneth over Eli.
You are the greatest little person I’ve ever met, and I honestly don’t know how my heart is still beating. Most days, I think it just might burst.
Thank you for making me a Mommy. And for making me look so good at it. You spoil me rotten.
To the moon, my Little.
♥ Wishing all the Mommies there ever was the happiest, most blessed Mother’s Day! ♥